DATE:
Thursday 27th September 2001 (one month later)
QUESTION: Can you please bring me up to date of what
has been happening since you ran away from drug rehab?
GOR:
At first I stayed at home doing nothing. Then later
on I came to stay at my grandmother's home. My uncle
said that he wanted me to go to Chulalongkorn Hospital
for drug therapy. I went there twice a week. It was
interesting because I learned some things. There were
about 10 of us and we sat around a table talking about
drugs. Then, about 2 weeks later my uncle found a place
called Tanyalak in Rangsit which is a famous drug rehab.
He wanted me to go there. At first I said I am not going
to go there. But, then my grandmother asked me to go
there. I couldn't refuse her. So, I went there even
though I didn't want to go.
QUESTION: Did you have to stay there?
GOR:
Yes. It was boring. Very boring. There was nothing to
do. Nothing interesting. They gave us some hard work
to do. Like cut the grass and prepare the food. Boring
stuff. Everyone was very bored. Everyone wanted to go
home but they can't go because their parents wouldn't
let them go.
QUESTION: Were you allowed to have visitors?
GOR:
Yes, but it was like I was a prisoner. We had to talk
through a glass. There was only a small hole in the
glass and we had to sit about one metre away from our
visitors. It was difficult to speak. I felt like a prisoner.
I wasn't free. I couldn't do what I liked.
QUESTION: But, wasn't that the idea to keep you away
from "bad things"?
GOR:
Yeah, maybe. But, the only thing I wanted was to stop
taking drugs. I don't want to be a prisoner.
QUESTION: Your grandmother told me that you were going
to be there for three or four months. I was surprised
when you rang me just over a week later to say you were
back at home. What happened?
GOR:
I came back early because I didn't want to stay.
QUESTION: Was that your idea?
GOR:
Yes. I had nothing to do. It was boring. Stay at home
is better.
QUESTION: Why do you say it is better at home?
GOR:
It is better for me.
QUESTION: I am not sure about that. Wasn't the idea
about sending you to drug rehab to keep you away from
your friends who were still taking drugs? Isn't it a
risk you staying here?
GOR:
No. I am better now.
QUESTION: What do you mean by that?
GOR:
Looking better. Feeling better.
QUESTION: Yes, I can see you are looking better. Can
we go back to the subject of therapy at Chulalongkorn
Hospital? You told me before that you enjoyed the sessions
there and wanted to continue. Will you go back?
GOR:
I am not sure if I can go back or not.
QUESTION: Why?
GOR:
(starting to get a little moody) I don't know.
QUESTION: Didn't you say that people can come and go
as they like with those therapy sessions?
GOR:
Yeah, but no-one can take me there.
QUESTION: What do you mean? Who took you to therapy
before?
GOR:
I don't know.
QUESTION: Who took you to therapy every Wednesday?
GOR:
You.
QUESTION: Well then?
GOR:
I don't want to go.
QUESTION: Can you tell me why you changed your mind?
GOR:
(starting to get angry) I don't know. OK?? (pauses for
a while) I want to go there. I don't know. I don't know
myself.
QUESTION: Do you mean half of you wants to go back
and the other half doesn't?
GOR:
I don't know. I am confused. I can't think about anything.
I don't know what I am going to do next.
QUESTION: What are your options for the future?
GOR:
Go back to learn or drop this year.
QUESTION: Do you think you will go back to the same
school?
GOR:
I don't know. I am not sure. I can't think about it.
Can't work it out.
QUESTION: Do you want help from people to help you
think?
GOR:
Yeah, but no-one helps. My parents said I have got to
think about it myself because it is my future.
QUESTION: Do you still want me to help you think?
GOR:
Yeah.
QUESTION: What does it look like you will do with school?
GOR:
I will drop this year and start a new school in May.
QUESTION: What will you do with your time between now
and then?
GOR:
I don't know. I don't know anything.
QUESTION: But at the moment you just feel like doing
nothing?
GOR:
Yes, because I can't think what I am going to do next.
QUESTION: Do you think it is a good idea to learn some
new skill or sport? You said a month or so ago you were
interested in taking tae kwon do lessons.
GOR:
Maybe. I don't know. I can't think.
QUESTION: What are your plans for the Thailand Life
web site. You haven't done any work on it for a while
now and you are starting to lose some of your regular
visitors.
GOR:
I don't want to quit but I don't know what I am going
to do next.
QUESTION: It is sounding like now that you really need
someone to push you and make decisions for you. But,
I don't want to push you at the moment because you might
break! Do you think that things will ever get back to
the way it was before?
GOR:
I don't know. Maybe. It is possible if I am still alive.
QUESTION: What do you mean by that?
GOR:
If I don't die before or take more drugs.
QUESTION: Are you tempted to take drugs?
GOR:
No.
QUESTION: Are you tempted to kill yourself?
GOR:
Yes.
QUESTION: Often?
GOR:
Sometimes. I have nothing to do. I don't know what to
do.
QUESTION: Can I ask what the cuts on your arms are
from?
GOR:
(doesn't answer for a long time then his eyes start
to water) I don't want to do this any more.
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