Confessions of a Teenage Drug Addict > Withdrawal Symptoms and Depression


"You made me cry so much when I read your latest interview. Please, please, please don't even think about killing yourself. You may feel like everything has gone wrong in your world but I promise you things will soon start to get better. You have so many people cheering for you around the world. Get your strength from us and get your life back on track. You can do it. I know you can!" - Julia, USA

DATE: Thursday 27th September 2001 (one month later)

QUESTION: Can you please bring me up to date of what has been happening since you ran away from drug rehab?

GOR: At first I stayed at home doing nothing. Then later on I came to stay at my grandmother's home. My uncle said that he wanted me to go to Chulalongkorn Hospital for drug therapy. I went there twice a week. It was interesting because I learned some things. There were about 10 of us and we sat around a table talking about drugs. Then, about 2 weeks later my uncle found a place called Tanyalak in Rangsit which is a famous drug rehab. He wanted me to go there. At first I said I am not going to go there. But, then my grandmother asked me to go there. I couldn't refuse her. So, I went there even though I didn't want to go.

QUESTION: Did you have to stay there?

GOR: Yes. It was boring. Very boring. There was nothing to do. Nothing interesting. They gave us some hard work to do. Like cut the grass and prepare the food. Boring stuff. Everyone was very bored. Everyone wanted to go home but they can't go because their parents wouldn't let them go.

QUESTION: Were you allowed to have visitors?

GOR: Yes, but it was like I was a prisoner. We had to talk through a glass. There was only a small hole in the glass and we had to sit about one metre away from our visitors. It was difficult to speak. I felt like a prisoner. I wasn't free. I couldn't do what I liked.

QUESTION: But, wasn't that the idea to keep you away from "bad things"?

GOR: Yeah, maybe. But, the only thing I wanted was to stop taking drugs. I don't want to be a prisoner.

QUESTION: Your grandmother told me that you were going to be there for three or four months. I was surprised when you rang me just over a week later to say you were back at home. What happened?

GOR: I came back early because I didn't want to stay.

QUESTION: Was that your idea?

GOR: Yes. I had nothing to do. It was boring. Stay at home is better.

QUESTION: Why do you say it is better at home?

GOR: It is better for me.

QUESTION: I am not sure about that. Wasn't the idea about sending you to drug rehab to keep you away from your friends who were still taking drugs? Isn't it a risk you staying here?

GOR: No. I am better now.

QUESTION: What do you mean by that?

GOR: Looking better. Feeling better.

QUESTION: Yes, I can see you are looking better. Can we go back to the subject of therapy at Chulalongkorn Hospital? You told me before that you enjoyed the sessions there and wanted to continue. Will you go back?

GOR: I am not sure if I can go back or not.


GOR: (starting to get a little moody) I don't know.

QUESTION: Didn't you say that people can come and go as they like with those therapy sessions?

GOR: Yeah, but no-one can take me there.

QUESTION: What do you mean? Who took you to therapy before?

GOR: I don't know.

QUESTION: Who took you to therapy every Wednesday?

GOR: You.

QUESTION: Well then?

GOR: I don't want to go.

QUESTION: Can you tell me why you changed your mind?

GOR: (starting to get angry) I don't know. OK?? (pauses for a while) I want to go there. I don't know. I don't know myself.

QUESTION: Do you mean half of you wants to go back and the other half doesn't?

GOR: I don't know. I am confused. I can't think about anything. I don't know what I am going to do next.

QUESTION: What are your options for the future?

GOR: Go back to learn or drop this year.

QUESTION: Do you think you will go back to the same school?

GOR: I don't know. I am not sure. I can't think about it. Can't work it out.

QUESTION: Do you want help from people to help you think?

GOR: Yeah, but no-one helps. My parents said I have got to think about it myself because it is my future.

QUESTION: Do you still want me to help you think?

GOR: Yeah.

QUESTION: What does it look like you will do with school?

GOR: I will drop this year and start a new school in May.

QUESTION: What will you do with your time between now and then?

GOR: I don't know. I don't know anything.

QUESTION: But at the moment you just feel like doing nothing?

GOR: Yes, because I can't think what I am going to do next.

QUESTION: Do you think it is a good idea to learn some new skill or sport? You said a month or so ago you were interested in taking tae kwon do lessons.

GOR: Maybe. I don't know. I can't think.

QUESTION: What are your plans for the Thailand Life web site. You haven't done any work on it for a while now and you are starting to lose some of your regular visitors.

GOR: I don't want to quit but I don't know what I am going to do next.

QUESTION: It is sounding like now that you really need someone to push you and make decisions for you. But, I don't want to push you at the moment because you might break! Do you think that things will ever get back to the way it was before?

GOR: I don't know. Maybe. It is possible if I am still alive.

QUESTION: What do you mean by that?

GOR: If I don't die before or take more drugs.

QUESTION: Are you tempted to take drugs?

GOR: No.

QUESTION: Are you tempted to kill yourself?

GOR: Yes.


GOR: Sometimes. I have nothing to do. I don't know what to do.

QUESTION: Can I ask what the cuts on your arms are from?

GOR: (doesn't answer for a long time then his eyes start to water) I don't want to do this any more.

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